How to write a best selling rom-com 100% guaranteed

Have the MC be the most bland mf on the entire planet Give MC ONE male friend, and have every other guy in the series be handsome trash, or just trash Have the girl be of a popular status either because she's really beautiful, or sexy Give the FMC only the finest mom your hands can draw. Let them have ONE singular conversation where the guy expresses basic courtesy and have the girl immediately fall in love with them Immediately introduce a rival, who's better than the girl in every single way Have the rival get rejected because why not Have a school culutural festival Have an outside cultural festival Have the girl confess 500 times but go unheard every time. Have them end up together and have everyone in the main cast marry each other and NEVER branch out Must have scenes: FMC panties get exposed because that's the only time in the reader's entire life he will get under a skirt Dudes come to hit on the girl and either get chased by the MC, or a third party Have every living organism comment how cute they'd look together FMC's breast gets squished Sleepy confession Fireworks confession Confession in a whisper Confession while one is sleeping Confession then immediate denial Full scene of FMC NAKED in the bathtub, which almost always results in fanservice Beach/Pool arc, so the FMC can wear only the skimpiest bathing suit FMC gets confessed to by John RomCom, rejects John RomCom, but John RomCom doesn't take no for an answer until the MC shows up Humor almost always related to sex. Publish your novel, and get like 500 bajillion dollars